mighty miracles

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I sliced my right middle finger real good the other day, and it's amazing what an annoyance it is!  The simplest task becomes such a pain, literally.  Like fishing something out of your jean pocket, or tying your kids' shoes.  Or typing an email or blog post!  Blasted finger.  But as my therapist is wont to say, "Sometimes a trial is just a trial."  And you know what, my finger is quickly healing.  The human body is awesome!  I am fascinated with what we can overcome, both physically and emotionally.  It's been just a little over a year since D-day, and I feel like a completely new person!  I'm confident and hopeful.  And I'm stronger than ever.  As painful as it may be to cut your finger, or to have your husband cheat on you, healing is absolutely possible.  Scars may be ugly, but they serve me well.

Anyway, I had an epiphany while reading my scriptures and I had to write it down before I forget it, as I'm wont to do...  I've recently discovered this surviving thriving community of wives banding together, all because of their husbands' poor choices.  And it makes me both happy and sad.  Sad to be a member, but happy, and proud, to be amongst the ranks of such strong women.  We can do hard things!  And we will come out better because of it.

Anyway, back to the scriptures.  I was reading Alma 26 and the entire chapter took on a whole new meaning, as scriptures are wont to do.  I especially loved verse 12: "Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever."  The land of sex addiction is a dark and nasty one, where thousands of our brethren, our very husbands, are encircled about with the chains of hell.  There are also thousands of our sisters, us wives, who are encircled about with the chains of hell.  We all have our cross to bare, and dang! are those crosses heavy and laden with splinters.  BUT, we all "are encircled about with the matchless bounty of his love; yea, and we have been instruments in his hands of doing this great and marvelous work" (verse 15).

A year ago I felt so alone.  These unifying blogs were nowhere to be found.  Instead, I only found articles on how to forgive and forget.  And dang! those articles were infuriating and laden with guilt.  I have done my fair share of heavenly fist-shaking, but I am in such a better place now.  And I don't feel bad for being angry or hurt.  At the time, I did.  I was at war with myself, beating myself up for being upset and "un-Christlike", which would only make me feel worse.  I was driving myself crazy!  Thankfully, I have since learned that I am allowed meant to feel a range of emotions.  It's validating.  It's healthy.  So I feel, and then I let go.  Because those chains have been loosed from the Most High God.  He has reminded me of who I am.  His daughter.  And I am capable of so much more than I give myself credit for.  I can do hard things!  Me, and my recovery, is a mighty miracle.  A work in progress, but a miracle nonetheless.