learning to listen

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September 18, 2011

A few days ago I realized something.  I've written earlier how I've been struggling with my pregnancy, Boy’s behavior in school, and Husband's addiction.  I used to think that it was too much, that I couldn't handle all these trials at once.  I used to think that it was unfair, that these difficult experiences were just heaped on top of the other.  I now acknowledge what a blessing this pregnancy and motherhood is, and that they’re all related.

Husband and I were recently talking about our mutual desire for a heavenly home.  Within that conversation, I realized that these recent struggles are truly a blessing in disguise.  And it dawned on me that due to my weakened pregnancy state (where I truly feel awful and have to physically slow down) coupled with the efforts of providing a peaceful, quiet environment for Boy (no TV or video games), the Lord has literally forced and/or prepared me to listen to the Spirit.  And I've noticed in just the past couple of weeks that as I act on those promptings, I’m better equipped to hear the still small voice.  Because it really is so very quiet, and can be easily missed.  These struggles have helped me the most in dealing with Husband's addiction because I have had to turn to the Lord; and because I've unwittingly created an environment in which He will answer, and I can listen.  I never could have foreseen the cause and effects of my aforementioned trials, but He has.  I’m amazed at how well He knows, and loves, me.