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For the past few months I've gone into survival mode. I didn't feel well, on every level. I could tell something was off physically, emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually. I was sick and depressed, and there was nothing I could do but put one foot in front of the other. Looking back, I wonder if I was reacting subconsciously to the husband's relapse. We were doing so well... And even though I couldn't put my finger on it (he seemed fine; we seemed fine), somehow my body knew. My body and spirit were rebelling. My soul was fighting, and I didn't even know I was back on the front.